How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Tips For Weight Loss Reexamined

When you hear the word weight loss, the images you conjure up are giving up on food, skipping one meal in a day and trying to bury your hunger in whatever manner you can.

No longer are these true as a means of going for that weight loss you so desire. A lot of things have been redefined and re-examined in the weight loss arena and a lot of old theories of dieting and controlling your hunger are no longer valid. Come to think of these, a lot of these have been even dismissed by medical specialists as dangerous and unhealthy.

So what are your options if you want to lose weight? Well, if you have heard about stories of actresses going on a crash course diet and getting thin in ten days then you have only heard about one side of the story. There are stories which are not told that these actresses suffer from numerous health related issues because of their dieting binge or because of the rapid loss of weight. So better be careful if you are going to pursue weight loss that way.

Do not despairs as there are unhealthy and more meaningful ways of losing weight which will not take you down the unhealthy path. These tips for weight loss will help you lose weight in a manner which is also medically viable and can be sustained by the body. But the fact of the matter that the inner motivation still has to come from you.

The first foremost tip for weight loss is that you should drink lots of water. Drink eight to ten glasses of water everyday. This helps in two ways first you lose excess toxins from the body and secondly your metabolism rate go high. As a corollary to that since you have had so much water you will not be hungry as much as you were earlier. This should be your number one fad diet if you are a aficionado of fad diets that come and go every year.

The second tip is a combined tip of exercise and discipline. Exercise regularly and exercise smart. Never ever give up. They say a habit is formed in 21 days and that means for the first 21 days you should attend to be disciplined and will exercise regularly. After 21 days it will become your habit and then you should strive for more and more strenuous exercises each day. If you have issues going to the gym try using home based equipment like Wii Fit or Yoga at home or cycling at home for doing some exercises at home. Increase the difficulty levels and you will see weight loss happening.

Hopefully these tips will help you reduce significant quantity amount over a period of time. Remember there is no magic formula.

How To Start A Restaurant Business

First of all you will need to think about the type of restaurant you want to open. Primarily, restaurants are grouped into three categories: quick service or fast food, midscale where you will get a good meal for a good price, and upscale with plenty of charm and fancy cuisine. This will also be dependent upon the type of food you want to serve, and the type of customers frequent the area.

One idea is to open an ethnic restaurant such as, Italian, Mexican, French, etc.. You can open an ethnic restaurant in any of the three categories, but before you choose take a look at the demographics of your area. You may want to take a demographic survey so you can get information on:

o The ages of the customers that will eat at your restaurant business.

o What types of ethnic groups live in the surrounding area.

o The occupations and income levels near your restaurant business.

o How many people will be interested in the type of food you will be serving.

o What are the needs, in terms of services or products, of the people in your area? Will you get enough business in the area you are planning to put your restaurant business?

A competitive analysis will show you what other restaurant business are in the area and what type of competition they will give you. You can do this by going to the restaurants as a customer, and checking out the menu to see how much they charge for their food and drink. This will help you decide how much to charge for your fare. To start your competitive survey, you should check the phone book and yellow pages in that area that have a restaurant business in the same category as yours.

The type and size of your restaurant business will determine the amount or size of the following:

o What you will need in the line of equipment.

o How many pieces of dishware, glassware, flatware, linens and napkins, you will need.

o Cooler, freezer, and storage size.

o How large your building will need to be.

o How many employees you should hire.

o How much parking you will need.

o What you will need in the line of advertising.

What will you call your restaurant business? The choice of a name should be one that reflects what you sell and will help you sell your goods. You will want all of your customers to be able to pronounce and spell the name to look it up in the phone book, or when writing a check. The name should be more creative than the competition, and represents the type of menu you are offering.

Make sure you are not stepping on someone else, check to see if the name you have chosen has been registered to someone else under a trademark. If it isn’t, make sure that you register the name with your county clerk. You should also check with the federal government to see that there are no trademarks registered through them with the name you have chosen. You can be sued for using an already registered name.

Adirondack All Weather Furniture – Choosing the Right Wood Type

Few people are aware of the fact that the idea for quality Adirondack all weather furniture began with a quest to find the perfect chair for relaxing on lazy summer evenings. This is why comfort is one of the very first things anyone thinks of when imagining an Adirondack chair or lounger. Aside from comfort, the other feature that most comes to mind when thinking about Adirondack all weather furniture is durability … why else would they call it all-weather !?

Because the original Adirondack chairs were originally designed for outdoor use at some lake cottage or similar retreat-the furniture had to be durable and was made from woods such as:

1. Cypress

2. Pine

3. Cedar

The use of cypress for construction purposes dates all the way back to ancient Egypt when the wood was a material for the construction of caskets for the first pharaohs. Today, cypress is a very common wood and used to make outdoor furniture like swings and various deck accessories. Cypress is also commonly used to make doors and windows as well because it has a conservative within the wood grain that helps it naturally repel insects and resist rot and decay which is why it is a popular choice when crafting quality-made Adirondack chairs and patio furniture .

Pine is another common wood used to make quality Adirondack all weather chairs and other seasonal outdoor furniture. Because of its abundance and reliably quick growth cycle, pine tends to be cheaper wood and is used extensively in the construction of many outdoor furniture pieces, including tables, benches, swings, chairs, and loungers. Pine tends to have a relatively low oil content and bids to that dry out easily, making it susceptible to cracking. However, when properly maintained, pine can be used to make premium Adirondack all weather furniture.

Cedar is a great wood when thinking about quality Adirondack outdoor furniture. Having a reddish brown color, cedar wood tend to be somewhat knotty and is actually a softwood. Cedar is naturally insect repellant and tend to have a very distinct aroma which can be managed with a sealer. However, quality Adirondack all weather furniture made from cedar is both beautiful and very durable making it an excellent choice when buying patio or deck chairs, tables, or accessories.